Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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