there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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