i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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