My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
