he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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