That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
