I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Still dying that you shit outside
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
