Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
