So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
