I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My ass is underappreciated
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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