Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
