One girl and one boy is just not enough.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
