we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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