My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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