I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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