If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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