I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
