Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
