She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
