She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
