Your face is a jimmy john
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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