do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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