Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
