are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?