He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable