Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
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Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.