I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
