I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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