yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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