I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
