Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
