I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
