Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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