if you like me you must not know who I am
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
