ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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