How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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