Already got asked if we're dating
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
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i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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