it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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