yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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