Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
