I wanna passion pit in your ass
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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