in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
