Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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