Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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