weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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