anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
