she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
