didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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