Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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