I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
