Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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