you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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