I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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