And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wish they made helmets for livers.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
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I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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