Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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