dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
