epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
