I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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