Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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