I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
