I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
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im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
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So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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