I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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